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If you can visualize your best possible life as a pyramid, then I consider integrity the foundation upon which this pyramid rests. From this perspective, there is no other choice but to make honesty and integrity, the place from where we launch our leadership journey. Let us begin.



No other change in personal behavior has a greater capacity to improve our wellbeing as always telling the truth.


We seem to be wired for honesty. We feel great while being truthful and shake our heads in disbelief, indignant that a well-crafted lie was aimed in our direction. Yet obstacles get in the way of our good intentions more often than we are willing to admit. Some of us in fact, navigate our days by regularly engaging in dishonesty. We may lie to our children, our spouses, our co-workers and our friends. We are specially likely to use deception to avoid hurting the feelings of others, especially those closest to us.


Perhaps most importantly, we are also less than honest with ourselves while trying to evade realities we find inconvenient. We fool ourselves by crafting stories that spare our egos from facing insecurities, disappointments, and failures. These lies are both quiet and dangerous, as they need not be verbalized, but merely considered in our minds. Many of us lie in common social interactions, or to avoid responsibility for a previous error. We use dishonesty to feel less embarrassed, improve our odds of getting a dream job, or when quitting the same job a year later, realizing it wasn?t as dreamy as we had anticipated.


The fact that being dishonest is wrong, and that we know it to be the case, can impact our wellbeing in really big ways. Even a small lie causes stress.


As deceptions grow in number and complexity, the mental focus and energy required to maintain them also multiplies. At best, lies distract us from focusing on the things that add real value to our lives. At worst, and specially when the consequences of our lies become potentially catastrophic (loss of liberty, reputation, permanent loss of trust in a marriage, etc?) the accompanying anxiety may reach health-impacting proportions. 


Lying impacts your health. Enough studies have been conducted to suggest at a minimum that honesty leads to mental health, stability, and peace of mind, while its opposite takes a mental and even physical toll. When we tell more lies, our health can decrease. When we tell the truth, our mental health improves. The potential harm of dishonesty includes physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and blood pressure, elevated constriction of blood vessels, and higher stress levels in the blood.


Even when the negative effects may be difficult to quantify, intuitively it feels obvious that our bodies and our brains are more at ease and have less to keep track of when we simply tell the truth. Imagine that at around 9am tomorrow, you are planning a big lie to your boss, a co-worker or a loved one. Many of us would be affected by this, and may feel anxiety, shortness of breath, difficulty sleeping, a faster beating heart, etc? These feelings would surely intensify as zero hour draws nearer, and in proportion to the size of the deception. Following this simple thought experiment, it?s not a stretch to conclude that those who tell lies at different times, to more than one person, with varying degrees of accompanying stress, have a higher rate of anxiety and negative physical effects than those who stick with the truth.


Lying impacts groups, companies and other organizations. I can attest to the harm that dishonesty regularly bestows on otherwise healthy work groups. I have conducted thousands of investigations in the private sector through the course of my career. From theft of merchandise and cash, fraud, manipulation of sales performance, sexual harassment (and many others), the transgressions I?ve unveiled have been as varied as the rationalizations used to justify them. My involvement with these cases required countless interviews with victims, witnesses and perpetrators. If there is a main lesson to be drawn, it is that the transgressions were always maintained by carefully tended deceptions, falsifications of documents, or deviations from established controls. Even one small lie shared within a few members of a team can grow until it poses a risk to the organization?s integrity. Conversely, it often took only one honest employee, customer, or vendor, not willing to play along, for the fraudulent enterprise to come crashing down. A single ethical and courageous human at the other end, represents real hope. Without secrets and lies, crime and depravation are virtually impossible.


When we rationalize a lie, we convince ourselves that under the circumstances, being honest is not an option. Our logic ignores that those on the receiving end of deception could never agree with our conclusion.


If we found ourselves the victim of the same lie, we would feel just as betrayed. Yet in the moment, this is all disregarded. Even when our intentions are good, our lies can cause harm. Consider a co-worker (we can call her Claire), who requests feedback about her performance in a recent project. Let?s assume that her work left a lot to be desired, caused delays with key company priorities, and required other team members to pick up the slack. How many of us would have real difficulty giving this feedback without resorting to some degree of face-saving deception. Yet consider how critically Claire needs this straight talk. Total honesty would clarify so many things for her. Perhaps she already knows how badly she executed, and needs someone to help her frame the source of the misses and brainstorm ideas for improving. It?s also possible that she lacks clarity. She may have a blind spot about her own abilities, or not fully understand her new role. Regardless, someone with the courage to be truthful and provide feedback is exactly the medicine that Claire needs. Unfortunately, she is likely to run into several liars before finding someone (if she is lucky) who is willing to share the rare gift of honesty. Even if you assume the worst-case scenario, that Claire?s abilities are not matched for this job, and she?ll eventually be fired, Does she not deserve the truth now? If you were in Claire?s position, Would you like to know what those around you really thought?


In his short and powerful book, ?Lying?, author Sam Harris puts it best: ?By lying, we deny our friends access to reality - and their resulting ignorance often harms them in ways we did not anticipate. Our friends may act on our falsehoods, or fail to solve problems that could have been solved only on the basis of good information. Rather often, to lie is to infringe on the freedom of those we care about?.


Being honest does not mean you have to be unkind. We all know someone who uses telling the truth as an excuse to troll or be mean. This is nonsense and not consistent with the goal of truth telling. Perhaps you even see some of these tendencies in yourself. Our objective should never be to leave behind sore egos. While hurt feelings cannot always be avoided, our aim is to cascade honesty as kindly as possible. A callously delivered truth is counterproductive and reflects the emotional immaturity of the person giving the feedback. Any unnecessary roughness says more about your unresolved issues than about your integrity as a truth teller. It also almost guarantees the receiver will mount a fight-or-flight response and ignore the message, squandering any opportunity to add value. Directness is at times helpful, but honesty does not make tact irrelevant nor excuse condescension.


Likewise, being honest does not require us to share details of our lives that we rather keep private. Privacy is not inconsistent with honesty. An acquaintance asking how much money we make can certainly be answered honestly without any shame. On the other hand, ?I rather not share? or ?not nearly as much as I would like to? are perfectly appropriate, and deceit-free answers. Your friends do not have an inherent right to your finances or any other parts of your life. In fact, feeling pressured to share details we would rather not, may be a common trigger of deception in our lives. Understanding the type of interactions that tempt us to be deceitful, and planning ahead with truthful replies we can live with, are simple but meaningful strides towards becoming personally stronger and living better lives.


If by now you are convinced that living an honest life is the only way to live a good life, then there is no reason for delaying the steps necessary to bring it about.


Huge gains are not needed in the short term. Merely gaining clarity about the lies we tell ourselves and others, the reasons we tell them, committing to doing better, measuring our results, and continuing to try, are monumental, truly life-transforming actions. If by any chance, you are already at this peak, then congratulations; it?s all downhill from here. Perhaps a treacherous downhill at times, but a road that gets easier as we learn and develop our habit of honesty.


Not sure where to begin? Start with yourself by identifying areas where the story you tell yourself is not completely aligned with reality. If you take a quiet moment, you are likely to recognize these scenarios with ease. Jump right in and embrace the initial discomfort that will accompany this process. The parts of your life that need attention may regard a job or career, a friendship, peer pressure, a romantic relationship, an addiction, or pattern of harmful habits. Chances are that you already know where your problems are. The next step is simply to document the lies you have told. Lastly, review your level of honesty daily and find healthier and more straight forward ways of talking with yourself and with others. Lies are like shadows, you can slay them by merely turning on bright lights.


Even modest reductions in deception should feel like a crushing weight has been lifted from your shoulders. If breaking old habits seems difficult at first, consider the 5-steps below, summarized from the website recovery.com.


  1. Admit that you have a problem: The sooner you accept you lie more than you should, the quicker you can make positive changes. If you deny or ignore your lies, change is not possible.
  2. Be accountable to someone else: Speak with someone, whether a trusted friend or a professional, and make a commitment of total honesty to them.
  3. Consider the consequences: Outline everything that can be negatively impacted by your habit of lying, both short term and long term.
  4. Journal: Document your lies, justifications for them and triggers. Consider more honest ways of managing the same situations.
  5. Set Goals: Set goals to reduce deception and improve your life. Strive towards genuine accomplishments and give yourself credit for these wins.


Becoming the person you want to be, and a leader others can emulate, means that first you have to be an honest person. Keep in mind that deep down, we value those who give it to us straight. We can tell when someone is avoiding conflict or trying to spare our egos while doing nothing to help us grow. If you commit to living a life of honesty and integrity, not only will you be happier and possibly healthier, but you will stand apart from the masses, and be of service to your fellow humans.


People who tell the truth are trusted, and they are loved. People who are always honest are the natural leaders we want to meet, marry, be friends with, report into, and follow. Truth tellers are the folks we need in the trenches when the shit really hits the fan. So, in your leadership journey, start by telling the truth.


SOURCES CONSULTED